Echo
by Roxal
Summary: He didn’t care what was done to him because he did care about the one doing those things, and that scared him more than any physical act ever could. Warnings: Sexual situations. Status: Oneshot. [AxelRoxas]


The first time Roxas slept with Axel was about a week after the older Nobody had returned from Castle Oblivion. Axel was being uncharacteristically quiet, spending less time with others—with Roxas, even—and secluding himself. Roxas didn't know what had happened while six of their members were away or why only one had returned, and in turn he didn't know where the old Axel had gone or why he had been replaced with this new, more melancholy version. Seeing the redhead so unhappy, not just bitter but _unhappy_, caused something to stir in the blond Nobody. He couldn't put a name to it, really, but he assumed it was what the others would have called "worry". He was worried about him.

Roxas tried to cheer his friend up (by then they had agreed that the term "friends" could be used to describe them, as awkward as it was), but nothing seemed to work. Almost nothing could even garner a response from the older Nobody. So Roxas did something he knew would earn a reaction: he kissed him.

Roxas had known for a while that Axel wanted to kiss him; he'd known since before Axel went away, and for the brief moment in which their lips connected he hoped to death that Axel's feelings hadn't changed.

It was obvious that Axel didn't know what to think at first, his eyes wide as they pulled apart from that first chaste kiss. Seeing the sincerity in Roxas' eyes, though, Axel understood, murmured something that could have been a "thank you," and kissed the boy himself.

Roxas knew they were moving far too fast, but he didn't care. He didn't care when Axel unzipped his coat and pushed it off his shoulders; didn't care when Axel started to remove his own clothing, caressing him with ungloved hands; didn't care when Axel touched him in places no one else ever had, with hands and lips and tongue. He didn't care what was done to him because he _did_ care about the one doing those things, and that scared him more than any physical act ever could.

Axel was like his fiery element, full of heat and passion, and Roxas was grateful; grateful that he wasn't cold and stoic like the icy Vexen, whom Roxas was almost certain now that Axel had killed. He was making love to a murderer, and he didn't care about that either.

When it was over, they fell asleep, tangled in each other on Axel's bed. When Roxas woke hours later, Axel was gone. Roxas left soon after. Axel hadn't waited for Roxas, so Roxas saw no reason to wait for him.

They didn't speak to each other for almost a month.

Roxas didn't know if it was on purpose or not, on his part or Axel's, but they rarely saw each other. When they did, a quick greeting was offered, or a mumbled acknowledgement, awkward and hurried, before rushing off to what ever it was they were supposed to be doing. Things became increasingly awkward between them until an accident cleared a small path for communication.

They came around the same corner at the same moment and slammed into each other, knocking the smaller of the two onto the floor. Axel looked like he wanted to run, but he remained, helping Roxas up and muttering "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Roxas replied, looking up as Axel averted his eyes. They stood like that for a long moment, shuffling uncomfortably until Axel motioned to leave. Roxas had to stop him. "Don't be sorry," he said flatly, "do something about it."

Axel stopped, staring at him with wide eyes but made no attempt to speak. Roxas looked back at him imploringly. "I did it for you," he said softly. "For _you_."

"I'm sorry," Axel said again, something flickering in his eyes before he shut them, hanging his head.

"Why?" Roxas asked, moving closer to his friend (though now he wondered if they could even be called that), the rest of his sentence implied.

"I…" Axel started, shaking his head, "I didn't want to lose you."

"Then why did you _leave_ me?" Roxas shot back, surprised by his outburst, but feeling somehow justified in it.

Axel's voice was small, and choked, and Roxas had to strain to hear him. "I don't know," was all he could manage, and Roxas moved forward to wrap his arms around his waist.

Axel was on him with such force that Roxas had to work to stay upright, supporting the older Nobody's weight as it crashed down on him, shaking and squeezing. "I just…" he whispered, but his words began to gain strength, "it all happened so fast, and I thought… I thought you would hate me."

"For what?" Roxas asked, stroking his back as the weight began to lessen.

"For… taking advantage of you," he said quietly, something like shame creeping into his voice.

"I could have stopped you at any time," Roxas replied, and then pulled back a little to look at the older's face. "Besides, I could never hate you."

Axel sighed, his lips pulled down in a frown. "Yeah, because you can't feel _anything_, right?"

Roxas frowned back at him. "No, because I just couldn't," he said confidently, a smile spreading over his features. His eyes darkened as he ran gloved fingers through Axel's hair and the man smiled at him, softly and unsurely, but it was _something_, something like the old Axel, even if it was just an echo at the moment.


End file.
